Thread: I Refuse to sleep... Why?

So.... I refuse to fall asleep.

This isn't an occasional thing. It's every single night. I push myself to stay up even when I'm dizzy and droopy and just DEAD tired. I won't lie down because I know if I do I'll fall asleep. I won't read or turn down the lights. If I start to fall asleep I make a cup of coffee or have a few coffee beans covered in chocolate (no more than 3). I put on loud, bouncy music (Ellie Goulding, amazing stuff). If I wanted to fall asleep, I could do so... easily.

When I do fall asleep, it's usually between 9am and 1pm... and then I sleep for 16 hours. If I have to work, I will usually get 2 hours of sleep before my I need to wake up.

I have simple partial-onset seizures (frontal lobe, had them since I was 7, and I'm 25 now) and my seizures are always nocturnal and frequently painful or disruptive (meaning I'll go and break something and need to clean it up). I am on Tegretol (400mg at night), Primidone (375mg at night), Lyrica (225mg at night), and Vimpat (also called Lacosamide, 50mg at morning, 50mg at night). Some of these, especially Primidone, are supposed to cause extreme drowsiness... and yet I still don't sleep. Anyway, there's that information.

One hypothesis is that I refuse to sleep due to anxiety over nocturnal seizures. That just feels like an excuse to me. Anything epilepsy-related seems like and excuse. I've been dealing with this since I was 7. I'm sick of it, sure, but I can definitely handle myself well.

Most of you, I know, are going to say something along the lines of "At least you CAN fall asleep, I can't even get tired." And trust me, I don't think my problem is worse than yours. It's just different... And some people will take it for procrastination, laziness, or whatever, and so be it. I get it. And I'm not trying to insult anyone by putting words in their mouths... it's just the reaction I've got from absolutely everyone. Nobody has ever really understood...

Anyway, this is affecting my life... I've lost two jobs in the last year. I feel mentally and physically slow on a daily basis, and I've always been considered an intelligent person. I have a BA for crying out loud, but it sure doesn't feel like it.........

I'm just so tired...

Any help would be appreciated, other than say, tricks to help me fall asleep... cause that's not the problem.

The answer to your plight may not be found from any of us. I think you need to elevate your issue and seek professional help as soon as possible. Some cases of people "fighting" or resisting sleep can be easily solved or diagnosed but from your story you need something more serious now.